THE PROCESS OF FORGIVENESS

What does it take to forgive and be forgiven? How does it feel to forgive the villain in your life? Do you feel liberated or regrets? What does society expect from you when you forgive? How do you forgive the seen or unseen enemy who broke you into pieces through your journey of life? Is there a time frame as to when do you want to forgive? These are some of the mind boggling questions some people ask everyday of their lives. Every second of our lives tragedy happens and it’s never a coincidence. It comes unexpected and the beautiful plans of our lives are horrendously turned into ashes. As the clock ticks, we begin to live in the world of delusions refusing to face reality but pain is always a reminder and it get us back to reality in order to be resilient.

               

Forgiveness is very powerful, it really sets you free from your vengeful thoughts but it can really be deceiving. Forgiveness is like walking through a dark tunnel trying to find the switch of a light. You might ask how forgiveness can be deceiving because the Bible tells you to forgive. Yes the Bible tells us to forgive but the thought of you forgiving to become the better person in the eyes of society can be very tricky since you are doing it as a form of a ritual to please people around you. It might be worth it but to some extent it is time wasting because the reality of the matter is you are broken inside, you keep on rewinding and replaying painful events that had occurred to you caused by one lunatic and you are refusing to let go. The moment you go into your room and lock yourself up and begin to sob should actually tell you that the pain is not gone and you have not forgiven the person wholeheartedly.

 

Often, we all ask ourselves how do we forgive one another but instead the questions should be why should we forgive? There should be a particular reason to completely forgive someone in order to set your mind free from all the negative thoughts.

 

It takes a lot of time for victims to forgive their perpetrators, not because they are seeking revenge or some sort of justice but the question still rings a bell in their ear which is, is it right for them to forgive that person? Should their forgiveness turn them into a good person for society to reward them for their deeds or is it their answer to healing?

 

Sara Montana is an American writer and a speaker who shared her past experiences about what it takes to really forgive and the real risk of forgiveness. Sara’s journey to forgiveness was not an easy one as she encounters her ups and downs and the connections that was still hooked to her side concerning the man responsible for killing her family. She even embarked on a spiritual vision quest to seek closure to a relationship with someone she barely knew.

 

This opinion piece is not about the unfortunate incident that happened to Sara Montana but rather how she came a long way to understand what it really means to forgive and to let it go. In this article highlights some major points in understanding the concept of forgiveness;

 

SOCIETY & SITUATION

 

We live in a society where people pleasing are common these days. When a person goes through an unfortunate incident, society expects the victim to forgive the villain easily and quickly because it is the right thing to do. Ironically, it is not the right thing to do but society wants to let the sleeping dogs lie and everyone will move on with their lives, they sometimes forget the villain in question. Some victims tend to forgive quickly not to get the spotlight at the moment on national television but rather society will give them a pad on their back for doing the right thing.

 

However, victims affected by terrible incidents should first digest the situation. How heavy is it? How has this affected their physical and mental development? How deeply has it affected their personality? As a victim, if you constantly ask yourself these questions and you begin to assimilate the situation, that will be the time you will decide to look deeper into your wounds and begin the healing process.

 

VENTURING INTO THE HEART

 

The heart is vulnerable and most at times we are antagonized by so many things that life either take from us. Getting hurt by someone always creates a big blow in our hearts and when a relative is murdered a vacuum is created in our hearts living most victims empty, powerless and defenseless.

 

In the beginning, the volume of pain is very intense that it becomes very difficult for victims to digest the situations properly. With time, when the victim begin to accept and access its wounds then she is reflecting over the situation again. Since the heart becomes unguarded due to the intensity of a bad situation which has led to emotional trauma, victims tend to pick up the pieces of their heart to find the truth by embarking on a journey that leads to self discovery.

 

Yes, self discovery because in the early stages of the pain, they create a monster seeking for revenge without realizing it.

 

PROCESSING FORGIVENESS

 

In an article titled “Forgiveness is so damn hard” written by Benjamin Hoover, he explained that forgiveness travels far beyond the feeling of relief from anger and hurt but rather it is an experiential process of journeying to something more than just pain relief. You saying “I forgive you” is not a way of letting go. The power of forgiveness can be a form of short cut to healing the wounds but the process of forgiveness is a long term which has no timeline but instead gives scars to the victims.

 

Processing forgiveness is like walking through thorns barefooted. You as a victim need to come to the conclusion of accepting things just the way they are in order to heal progressively. Healing takes time especially when situations are very complex to understand. So when you are ready to forgive make sure you are physically and mentally prepared to let go but don’t be compelled by society to forgive since it can cause detriment to your well being as an individual.

 

As individuals we all have different life journeys and each of us has offensively crossed the path of a friend, family, stranger or even an enemy, it has to some extent caused damaged to some people which has left them broken, depressed, anxious, and even trauma. We all deserve second chances in life because of humanity but this only happens when the victim is prepared and ready to let go of the pain, anger, rage, revenge to make things right at the appropriate time.

Forgiveness frees the mind and heart from a revengeful bondage. It frees the whole being only if the person is ‘ready’ but not ‘getting ready’ to forgive. Forgiveness can be very tricky like a game of chess, it is like trading your queen or knight for a pawn. If you are still in grieve don’t forgive too quickly to look good in the eyes of society, it will come back and harm you at the end. Never consider forgiveness as a short cut to healing, it is rather a long term of suffering which in the end you will be affected mentally because you have not forgiven sincerely from your heart.

 

Finally, don't ask people about how to forgive but ask questions on why to forgive and I promise that you will be on the safer side. You will know the outcome when you forgive at the long run.